Tradition dictates that the brides family covers the cost of the wedding, dating back to the Victorian age when the groom would pay a fee for his bride. (insert bad joke about how the groom still "pays" for the bride here). The bride's family would then throw a party in their honor. What a lovely gesture to the guy that just scored you by trading a cow. These were well before the days of women's rights, obviously. Now, it is more customary for the couple to pay for their wedding mostly on their own, with some help from both sets of parents if possible, a little more fair if you ask me! So if you and your spouse to be are paying for most of it, you certainly call the shots. Remember not to hurt anyones feelings though, they just care and are not crazy control freaks for the most part, so hear people out. You never know what wonderful suggestions they might give!
Now what if you're not paying? Whether you can't afford it or maybe you've been offered the money as a gift? Be careful what you wish for, I've seen this go bad more than I've seen this go good. Sometimes people are offering up the money because they want a do over or because they're so bored they're looking for a project, a project you can feel free to call "Your Nightmare". I hate to be all Debbie Downer, this could definitely be a great thing, this could bring you closer to your family, you could have the BEST time because you're Mom has the best ideas, this could even be something that your parents have been saving up for forever! If you have no interest in planning at all, you're family may be happy to take over! (I seriously hope my little sister could care less so I can get my hands on that wedding when it happens...oh, look at me becoming crazy!) But being that its money it could also tear you apart, money is a tricky thing. This brings up the question, if one family is paying for the brunt of the wedding, should they have a say in what happens? Technically no, this is your day and if your family chooses to help you foot the bill (emphasis on the word chooses) than they should be happy to let you make the decisions. However, many families don't feel this way and wars start. It is sad, but what is supposed to be a happy occasion turns into an all out battle. Etiquette seems to dictate that you should be a happy, thankful bride that will pretty much go along with anything, do I agree with this? Not really, but I will say, pick your battles and always be thankful, it doesn't matter if they give you twenty dollars or twenty thousand dollars. Yes it is YOUR wedding, but if you have accepted help from people, you at least owe them the courtesy of hearing them out, I am in no way implying that you should be a push over, because that will get you no where but someone else's dream wedding. I will say, state your opinions, come out off the bat and share what you envision this day to be like. And always, always remember, is it worth it? At the end of the day is it worth getting in a fight with your Mom or Mother in Law to be over what the flavor of cake is? Think big picture here, you're marrying the most important person in your life, that's what the day is about, nothing else. So my biggest piece of weddi-quette advice today my little readers...keep the thought of marriage in sight, loosen up on the thought of a wedding....and start saving ;)
No comments:
Post a Comment