the wedding girl: Jack's Story Part 2!

Thank you so much for all of the lovely messages from my last post :) It's certainly been a crazy roller coaster since July 29th, but all of the love we've received has helped greatly!

After the surgery was complete and they wheeled me into the NICU for a quick peek at my peanut, I was taken to a recovery room. There I got showered with hugs and kisses from my family, who were all in just as much shock as I was! The mister ran out to get some supplies and I had some time alone with my parents, I think it was that instance that I had kind of realized what just happened. I had a good cry while my Mom shoveled ice chips in my mouth. Sweet lord, I don't think I've ever been so thirsty! I was then wheeled into another room for the remainder of the evening. Sleep was no where on my radar though, sure I was exhausted, but I was also worried. Its not like I could get up and walk to see my boy, so I had to lay there and stare at the clock until the drugs wore off. We just kept looking at each other, with shocked faces saying..."we're parents now?" As much as you think about it when you're pregnant, nothing compares you for the realization that you actually have a child.

As I mentioned we spent 25 days in the NICU, I shouldn't actually say 'we', as I was discharged after 5 days in the hospital. Which meant we had to go home to sleep, shower etc. On a typical day I would be at the hospital for 8am and not leave, other then to quickly force myself to eat and get a moment of fresh air, until after midnight. And leaving...well, it was terrible and as time wore on, it only got harder. It had nothing to do with staffing, the nurses we had were truly wonderful and I knew Jack was in good hands, but it felt so unnatural. First of all, he was removed from me in such an abrupt way, then I couldn't even be with him all day and night. I'm sure my wacky hormones didn't help, but I would slip into a deep sadness around dinner time, knowing the day was coming to a close, I often just held him and cried. I know there are so many families that have to go through what I went through for longer periods of time. God bless them, its the hardest thing I've ever done, walking away from my little boy each night.

Jack progressed along very well, he was tiny but strong! He was as determined to get home as I was, I believe. After a few minor setbacks we were transferred from the big city, home to a closer hospital. That was a relief in itself, as it allowed us to sleep in our own bed! We spent just over a week and a half there until we were told we could spend the night in the care by parent room. This meant we could spend a full 24 hours with Jack off all of his monitors and machines, to ensure he was good and we were ready! I'm quite confident neither of us slept that night. After the steady beeping of machines for a month, we were not accustom to the silence, nor were we confident that Jack would be totally OK. Of course, he flew through the night completely fine, probably wondering who the two crazies were that were starring so intently at him all night.

Our first day home was amazing, no wires, no machines, no feeding tubes. Just us and our little guy!